Too tired to

Posted on: October 30, 2011

I hate moment like this. My swollen eye seems like it’s going to take off from my face. And I, suddenly, have eyelid. My lips seem bigger, or it was just my feel. I have strange headache by now. And I can’t clearly think.

I don’t know if there’s any prices of my tears. They already dried, finally.

And to whom it may be concern…

Last night, I cried because my logic asked me to end this up, but my mouth refuse to. And it was a fighting between my logic and my heart.
Before to sleep, I cried because u didn’t seem pay any concern, or even attention for my ‘fighting’. U just ignored me.
This morning, I cried because I think I can’t stand any longer.
And again, in this very morning, I cried because I don’t want u to see me weak. I tried to tell u with words, try to be strong, even tough the tears still come along.
I cried in my heart when u just sit there in silent language I can’t understand, once I asked u to convince me why I should marry u, why we should go along.

Then I cried when ur mother talk to me telling how strong a woman is, how blessed she is, and how I could make it trough.

All my time I was thinking how to please u, respect u. I put ur things above all mine.
I’ve been learning not to expect too much. More I expect, more disappointment that I’ve got. But hey… Since u are going to be the leader of my life, my family, my children, I can’t help expecting.

Meanwhile, right now I say; I don’t know any more. It’s my turn to ask u to convince me that u are the one I suppose to spend the rest of my life with, and I’m the one for u.

Because…what had been united by God, can’t be separated… So let’s make it all clear before we are one.


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October 2011
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